dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
