I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
