Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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