making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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