Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
