Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
