dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
