I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
