Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
