After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
