Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
