plz talk dirty to me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
