i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
