This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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