Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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