I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
