so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
