How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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