Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
