I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
