Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
