it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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