I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
