I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
