Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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