Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Randomize
