Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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