woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
