I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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