It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Four minutes until I can fart!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
