so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
