he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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