At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
