Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am naked and annoyed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
