you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
