so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
