Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
