we're blogging at a bar
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
