Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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