sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
