I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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