She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
