you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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