Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
