it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
