Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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