I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
