I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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