at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
