So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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