"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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