I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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