Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
