your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
